


Runaway Ink - Tadashi Yamaguchi x Reader | COMPLETED

by IppenX



Series: Ippen's Karasuno Reader Inserts [Original 2017 Run] [8]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Complete, F/M, Fluff, POV First Person, Past Relationship(s), Relationship built from 0 bc that's how I roll, Running Away, Tattoos, Trust Issues, Tsukki is so done with this shit, Yams doesn't know when to give up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:34:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 22,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27459553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IppenX/pseuds/IppenX
Summary: People without substance will fill themselves with substances - that was the sad truth of life and Yams found it out a little too early. But no matter what the world tried to tell him, he still firmly believed that unconditional love was the best substance to fill an aching heart with.
Relationships: Yamaguchi Tadashi/Reader
Series: Ippen's Karasuno Reader Inserts [Original 2017 Run] [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2006218
Kudos: 27





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a cross-posting account: I'm primarily active on Quotev.com, where you can find me under the same username [IppenX].  
> Link to original post: quotev.com/story/10073144

Tanaka and Noya were goofing around at their lockers after practice, trying to figure out how to slam the doors closed in a way that would make the loudest sound. Walking through the club room door, Tsukki sighed, looking at Yamaguchi behind him:

"Looks like we won't be able to get to our lockers in peace."

"Oh hey guys! We'll be out of the way in a sec!" Noya mumbled, moving away to let Tsukki reach the locker above his.

Tanaka also stepped to the side, reaching for his locker which was right next to Yamaguchi's: "Yeah we should get going too, before all the pork buns are sold out! Now, where did I put ... huh?" He yelped in surprise when a green schoolbag tumbled out and fell to his feet.

"That's ... my locker, Tanaka senpai." Yamaguchi mumbled, hurrying to pick up his things.

"What? Again!? I'm so sorry!" He replied, helping him gather his belongings from the floor. "This is the third time this month. Shit. I don't know why I keep miscounting - I know mine's the third down from Tsukishima's!"

"It's okay. Just maybe ... use a little less force when you open lockers? Otherwise, everything just tumbles to the floor." Yamaguchi mumbled, stuffing his gym clothes inside as he got changed.

"Yeah, I'll try. Also, you forgot this." Tanaka mumbled, reaching for a piece of paper on the floor. "What's this? A crow? Did you draw it?"

"That's- Give it back!" Yamaguchi yanked the drawing from Tanaka's hand, hiding it into his bag as fast as he could.

"Heeeeey, I didn't know you draw stuff!"

"I d-don't."

"It's nothing to be ashamed of! Art is cool, I'm pretty sure Asahi writes poetry, right, Noya?"

"He does, but we're not supposed to tell people, you idiot! Now let's go, I'm hungry already!"

"Okay okay, I'll be right with you."

Tsukki watched as the two loud senpais ran out of the club room, leaving him and Yamaguchi alone. Quietly, he walked over to his blushing friend and nonchalantly reached for the drawing he hid just moment earlier. He looked at it for a while before faintly smiling as he put it back where he found it:

"That's the one you settled on?"

"Yeah ... I tried to make it look a little like a dragon too. I thought it would be weird if I just had a crow, and dragons are kinda badass, you know ..."

Tsukki nodded. "Well, drawing this was one thing. Going through with it is another."

Yamaguchi gulped down his words, realizing he didn't have anything smart to say.

"Hey, sorry ... I didn't mean it like that. It was just a joke." Tsukki said, trying to take back the words which slightly yet obviously upset his friend.

"No, you're right. I mean ... I've been going by and staring through the window for what, three months now?"

"More like four, I think."

"See? That's why I have to do it soon!"

"Do you feel like trying today?"

"Today?! That's ... super early! But well, I'll drop by like I always do, so ... maybe."

"Want me to go with you?"

Yamaguchi shook his head, waving goodbye to Tsukki at the door. "No thanks, I'll go ahead on my own."

Walking through the streets, he tried to calm his racing heart as he held the drawing in his trembling hands.

_Can I really do this? Can I really go in there and talk to her? Not to mention it's probably gonna hurt a lot ..._

His feet automatically stopped in the place where he spent most of his afternoons and evenings recently: standing across the street from a small tattoo shop, gazing through the store window, waiting to see _her._

Talking with her coworker.

Messing around with the photos of their tattoos on the walls.

Walking by the mirror to look at the new earring she recently got.

It didn't matter what it was - he just wanted to see her. Wanted to see her carefree smile, wanted to see her laugh for reasons he couldn't know, wanted to see her countless tattoos through the tears in her eccentric black clothing, wanted to see her hair get caught in her lip piercing ... He wanted to see everything about her. He knew it was stupid and borderline creepy at this point - he thought back to all the times Tsukki called him a stalker and he hated to admit that he was probably right. But he didn't really have much of a choice ... Tsukki was the only person he could tell about her, and even that was only because he was with him the day he first saw her working at the shop.

_I don't know how long I've been walking by and considering whether or not I actually had the courage to get a tattoo ... but Tsukki's right about it being 4 months already since she showed up out of nowhere ... and yet, it feels like these 4 months are all that mattered._

He sighed, looking at the drawing in his hands one last time before he lifted his gaze to the shop.

_She's not here ... maybe she has a day off today? In that case ... this might actually be better. I'll probably be less nervous if ... yeah. This is it. I can't possibly tell Tsukki I backed out of it again._

With a deep sigh, he crossed the street, his hands still shaking as he pushed the door of the tattoo shop open and walked in. The woman sitting at the counter glanced up from the magazine she was reading, smiling once she saw there was a new customer:

"Hey, welcome! I'm Yoshino, how can I help you?" She chirped happily, reaching out her hand as a greeting.

"H-Hey. I'm Yamaguchi ... I've been thinking of getting a tattoo for a while and I think I finally found the right one." He mumbled, handing her the drawing after he shook her hand.

"Hmmm ..." She paused, staring at it for a while. "Where were you thinking of putting this?"

"Somewhere here." He mumbled, touching the area between his shoulder and his neck.

"Hmmm ... I'll be honest with you, these feathers and scales ... it's a very hard design. No way on earth I could make this look half decent, but we do have someone who might. Wait here, I'll be right back." She said, smiling as she disappeared into the back rooms of the shop.

Nodding eagerly, he tried to stop his heart from jumping out of his chest.

_Someone else ... could it be ... oh my god, how am I gonna survive this. I didn't actually think she'd be the one doing it!_


	2. Chapter 2

I was sitting in one of the back rooms, organizing some of my sketches when a loud, happy shriek sounded down the hallway:

"Hey Fluffs!! I need you to look at something!"

"Here!" I yelled out, not bothering to get up and see whatever it was that Yoshino had to show me. "Also, stop calling me that! It's sounds so emo!"

"But you look so emo. It fits you."

I looked up to see her grinning at me from the doorway. "For the last time, it's called goth, not emo."

"Yeah yeah whatever. Check this out though." She said, handing me a drawing of a jet black crow crossed over with an orange-scaled dragon. "A guy just came in who wants to get this done. Can you take this one?"

I stood up, checking my schedule on the wall. "Let me see ... I've got that bird to finish today, she comes in about an hour. Then there's that quote, and that annoying couple tattoo ... but I think I'm free next week."

"Good, then I'll leave it to you." She said, still smiling as she motioned for me to follow her.

I walked out to the counter with her, waving to the guy who was waiting for us as she introduced me in the exact way I keep telling her not to do it:

"This is our very own reliable genius. If she says she can do it, it's most definitely gonna turn out amazing! You can call her Fluffs."

I sighed, rolling my eyes. "You and your stupid nicknames. Well, it's a pretty cool design. Where do you want it?"

I watched as he timidly smiled, showing me the back of his neck with his hand. "H-Here, and going down to my shoulder."

"How old are you?"

"Sixteen."

"Any tattoos or piercings you already have?"

He shook his head.

"How's your pain tolerance?"

"Probably ... not horrible, I think."

_Wow ... he's so nervous, he's almost shaking. Heh, it's been a while since I've done a first-timer ... but this could get super annoying if he's not ready for it._

"How long have you been thinking about getting a tattoo? No offense, but you seem like more of a goody-two-shoes type of guy."

"About a year ... and I've had a design in mind since the start, but I only finalized it this week. I know I don't look like it, but I really want to have it done. I've been wanting to change my image for a while and I think this is a good first step."

"Change of image? I'm just curious, but what do you have in mind?"

"I-I want to go for a more dark type of look. Growing my hair out, getting a few piercings eventually ... things like that."

"I see ... hmm. I guess that's fine. If this would be some fluke your girlfriend picked out for you or something, I'd probably send you out the door. You better be sure it has enough meaning for you to wear it for the rest of your life!"

He eagerly nodded: "It definitely does ... it's my volleyball team's mascot. Also ... uhm ... I don't have a girlfriend."

"Volleyball, huh? You know you won't be able to train properly for at least two weeks, possibly three?"

"Yeah, I heard so ... it's not that big of a deal, actually. We don't have any tournament matches anytime soon and I'm not one of the super important guys who have to be in top shape all the time either way. I'm sure the coach won't mind."

"Ah, the youth today ... using tattoos to skip sports practice." I mumbled, mildly sarcastic as I looked over the schedules laid out on the counter.

"Don't let her fool you, she's only three years older than you!" Yoshino chimed in.

"Shut up and read your silly magazine or Fluffs is about to show her not-fluffy side." I said, trying not to laugh but ultimately failing. I looked over to the guy who was still standing there, staring at both of us as we giggled like idiots. "I'm sorry about this. It's just that we usually have a lot of free time between appointments so we goof around to pass the time. We just got really used to it, it would seem - even though it's highly unprofessional!"

"No ... it's okay."

I looked up at him, smiling politely. "Well, if I get back to your dragon-crow: I wouldn't put shoulders and neck in the top ten most painful places to get inked in, but they still aren't as easy to do as some parts of arms or legs, for example. There are a lot of nerves there, and especially the back area is harder to take care of and takes a bit longer to heal. However, as much as I hate to have to praise myself, I've never had a back tattoo cause problems for my clients. You do realize I'll have to redraw this a little to make it fit, right?"

"Yeah."

"Good. It's nothing major really, so it's not gonna cost you anything extra, but let me just give you an estimate on this ... I should be able to finish it in three to four hours, so that'll be 38.000 yen, all materials included."

"R-Really? I expected it to cost more ..."

I chuckled at the innocent expression on his face. "Well, I haven't been doing this for long and I'm hardly an acclaimed artist. At this point, I can't afford to be expensive - but one day, I'll be making a lot more money from this and you'll be glad I laid my hands on you so early in my career! We can start next week, when do you have time?"

"Uhm ... afternoons or evenings would be best."

"I thought so, you're obviously still in school - which is great, because I absolutely hate working mornings. Monday at four?"

"Yeah ... that works."

I took a pen, scribbling down a reservation for the main inking room. "That's it then. Can I keep the original art or do you want me to make a copy? Also, did I miss your name or did you not tell me?"

"You can keep it. And it's Y-Yamaguchi. Tadashi Yamaguchi."

"Yamaguchi. Got it. See you on Monday then!" I said, reaching out to shake his hand.

He stared at me for a few seconds before finally returning the handshake, his movements slow and awkward. "Thank you. I'll see you on Monday, yeah."

I watched him leave, sighing once he was out of the shop. "Holy shit, did you see this?"

"Sorry, I'm too busy shutting up and reading my silly magazine."

"You idiot." I said, punching Yoshino in the shoulder.

"Hey! If you keep doing that, I won't be able to ink anymore!"

"Sorry! I keep forgetting you're left-handed." I mumbled, admitting an honest mistake.

"It's fine. You hit about as hard as your nickname implies you would."

"Excuse me, I'm tough as hell."

"The only part of you that's tough is your soul. And maybe your heart. But in a physical fight, you couldn't hurt a fly even if you wanted to."

"Whatever. Seems like telling you what my life was like before I moved here was just giving you fuel to tease me."

She nodded, grinning mischievously. "Back to the topic, I did see that. He was so nervous, I'm surprised he didn't drop dead on the spot. And it only got worse once I brought you out - he totally has a crush on you."

I sighed, untangling a strand of hair from my shark bite rings on the side of my bottom lip. "I noticed, yes. The fifth one so far, I think? You can't deny it - I'm great for business even without my skills."

Flipping over a page, she looked up at me, shaking her head slowly. "Not this time though. You might have accidentally brought in a few guys with your looks, but this Yamaguchi character has been watching the shop since way before you got hired. He'd probably come in either way once he found the courage to do it, regardless of whether we had a striking beauty like you doing the ink."

"It doesn't really matter to me. At lest he doesn't seem like the type to obnoxiously get on my nerves with his stupid feelings - I've had enough of those already. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go get the inking room ready. Send the bird lady to the back once she gets here, okay?" I said to her as I headed back where she dragged me from, not even remotely thinking about the freckled boy who'd soon prove to have more courage than I'd ever give him credit for.


	3. Chapter 3

Walking down the street towards his house, Yamaguchi frantically tried to find his phone in his bag to call Tsukki and tell him he finally did it.

"You don't have to call me, I'm right here."

Yamaguchi looked up only to see Tsukki standing on the corner of the street. "Tsukki! You waited for me!"

"I just wanted to know if you really went through with it. And I'm pretty sure if I'd go home and you'd have to call me, it would take 3 hours to get you to hang up."

"Thanks, Tsukki! You're the best!"

"So? How was it?"

He took a deep breath, his eyes sparkling like the moon on steroids: "Tsukki oh my god you have no idea, she's absolutely gorgeous and her voice is mesmerizing and she was wearing that pretty dress I told you about, the one with one sleeve ripped off, and she's really funny ... though most of it was inside jokes with her coworker, but still! She's amazing, Tsukki. Amazing. Love at first sight is real, now I definitely know it is!"

"Yeah, it's called having a crush. I was asking about the tattoo by the way."

"Oh. Sorry. Yeah, I'm getting it done. Monday afternoon at four."

"Yamaguchi, we have practice."

"I know, I'll ask Ukai to let me skip. I'll be out for 2 weeks anyway."

"You better make sure to come back with full force."

"I will- wait, I almost forgot to tell you! She'll be the one doing the tattoo!"

Tsukki bit his lip, looking down at Yamaguchi: "Are you gonna be okay?"

"Y-Yeah. I think. I hope. Oh my god, Tsukki ... you have no idea how much my heart was beating the whole time I was in there!"

"I'm glad I don't. So, what's her name?"

"I ... I didn't ask. They call her Fluffs though."

"Fluffs? That sounds like a dog."

"I think it's adorable actually ... just like the rest of her."

"You of all people are the last person I'd imagine be interested in all this dark shit. Emo, goth, whatever. Are you gonna die your hard black and start wearing those weird boots too?"

"Stop joking about that! I told you I'm not into that ... I mean, goths are a blessing to look at, but I wouldn't really dress that way. I just want an image that will match the kind of music I like."

"In the end, this is all Akiteru's fault for lending you those Metallica CDs. Two years later, I still blame him."

"Can't say he didn't ease me into it, I guess. But do you even realize how awesome their stuff is? Though I guess I like Megadeth just a little bit better."

"I've never even heard of that band before. But yeah, you do need a change of style because right now, watching you talk about metal bands is probably as weird as seeing Kageyama smile. It just doesn't fit you."

"I know! I'll get there, don't worry."

"How long are you gonna let your hair grow?"

"Not sure. Definitely not as long as Asahi's, that's probably a pain in the ass to wash."

"I wouldn't know. You're telling Ukai tomorrow?"

"Yeah ... guess I'll see you then!" Yamaguchi said, waving goodbye before he walked into his house.

He made his way into the living room to greet his parents, both of whom were sitting on the sofa watching some random sappy romance movie.

"I'm back home. Also, about that tattoo I told you about ... I'm finally getting it on Monday!"

"Really? That's awesome. I wish I had gotten one when I was young ..."

"Thanks, dad!"

His mom looked at him, trying to sound strict but making sure her words were put nice: "Are you really sure about it? I won't let you make a mistake with something as permanent as this."

He shook his head, smiling. "No need to worry. I'm completely sure about it. And it's even gonna be cheaper than what I've saved up!"

"That's good to hear. Dinner's in the kitchen, you can join us if you want."

"No thanks. I'll go listen to music upstairs and leave you two to your movie, thank you very much." He said, laughing as he went to get a bowl of ramen before going to his room. He sat down on his futon, pressing play on the huge CD player he had pushed up against the wall and peacefully stared through the window, replaying the conversation he had today in his mind.

_She's ... so breathtakingly wonderful. And all my fears were pointless ... she's not that much older than me! Oh my god, this is incredible ... I can't believe it. I can barely breathe, just the thought of seeing her again makes my heart race like crazy. I don't care if Tsukki says it's just a crush ... this can't be just that! I've had crushes before, none of them felt so ... so overwhelming. So wonderful and perfect and beyond amazing. I miss her just after talking to her once ... yeah, I can't go on like this. Once the tattoo is done, I'll ask her out. For sure._

_~~~_

Anxious as he was, he was barely able to put up with the days that followed.

He asked Ukai for three weeks off from practice.

He told his teammates about it.

He reassured the worried Asahi and Suga, spent at least an hour describing the design to Tanaka and Noya and was more than surprised when Daichi also showed interest in the tattoo he was about to get.

But all of that didn't keep his heart from beating faster than the speed of light every night before he fell asleep. When Monday finally rolled around, he was shaking with nervousness, but walked into the tattoo shop with a brave face regardless. Yoshino, who seemed to always have some sort of magazine on hand, looked up at him for a brief moment, smiling when she saw him:

"I almost didn't think you'd have the courage to show up!"

He walked up to the counter, smiling back. "I don't blame you for it. Can I leave the money with you?"

"Sure you can, I'll handle everything from here, you just go on ahead." She said, opening the cash register as he handed her the money. "Down the hall, first door to the left - she's waiting for you."


	4. Chapter 4

Preparing my ink, I faintly heard Yoshino talking to someone in the shop.

_He's probably here. Finally, I actually get to do some nice looking art._

I held the redrawn version of his dragon bird in my hand, looking at it with a sense of excitement. It wasn't something I'd absolutely love doing, but it wasn't something annoying like matching hearts or stupid love quotes either - and if nothing else, it looked good.

"H-Hey ..."

I looked up, seeing Yamaguchi standing at the door. "Hey, come in. You're ready for it?"

"Yes."

"Good. Take off your shirt and lie down on the table, I just need a minute to finish the setup." I said, gazing at him from the corner of my eye and trying not to smile when he so obviously blushed. "And don't be shy, you're hardly the first guy I'll see shirtless." I added, trying not to sound too sarcastic.

"Yeah ..."

_The way he's blushing right now, I'm not even sure I'll notice when his skin gets red from the inking ... though I have to admit, he is kinda cute._

I prepped his skin, transferred the stencil on and assembled my needle - all without him saying a word. All I could hear was his slow, forcefully rhythmic breathing and it was clear to me he was trying to calm himself down.

"Are you afraid?"

He sighed, shaking his head. "Not really. I mean, I am ... but I want it more than I fear it."

"That's not a bad mindset to be in. You'll be fine, don't worry. You've got me here, not some idiot who just picked up a needle last week. You just have to trust me."

"I do trust you."

"Thanks. I'll get started on your shoulder and leave the neck part for the end - it's gonna be more painful, but you'll get used to it by then. I'll just make a short line first so you can see how it feels - try not to twitch too much."

"Okay."

In one swift motion, I outlined the bottom tip of the dragon's tail. He moved a little, like they always do, but it was nowhere near the drastic twitch I was bracing myself for. "Did that hurt?"

"Yeah."

"Good job, you barely moved."

"I tried to focus on other things."

"Keep that up. And if you need a break when it hurts too much, let me know. Does it help if you talk?"

"I think so ... if you don't mind."

I smiled, continuing to work on the outline. "Eh, in this line of work, you have to have small talk skills. You said you wanted to change your image, right? Tell me what brought that about."

"Well ... I never really stood out or had any special interests, besides volleyball. But about two years ago, I was helping my best friend and his brother repaint their room walls ... we were moving all their stuff to the hallway and then back, and his brother had countless stacks of CDs that he still needed to organize once we were done, so I offered to help him. It was mostly bands I've never heard of, but the last few were Metallica ... and obviously I've heard of Metallica before, everyone has, so I pointed that out for conversation's sake. And then he asked me if I know their music, to which I said no, and then he gave me one of the CDs and told me to listen to it once I get home."

"Which one?" I asked him, mildly curious.

"And Justice for All."

"Hmm ... weird choice for an introductory album. Most people would go with Master of Puppets, but personally, I'd just hand you Ride the Lightning. So, did you like it?"

"No. It freaked me out. I think I jumped away from the stereo the first time I played it ... but later that night, I couldn't sleep, and I just put the CD back in, letting it play at a super low volume and ... by the time Blackened was over, I was in awe. It was loud and annoying and weird but also ... it made me feel like I was standing on top of a mountain, or driving super fast with windows down on the highway. And then ... it just snowballed from there. I kept borrowing his CDs until I started buying my own and the more I got into the music, the more I was interested in the culture around it and at some point ... I just looked at myself in the mirror and imagined how I'd look with tattoos and longer hair. But ... well, I'm more on the quiet, shy side of the spectrum and I just didn't know how to go about it."

"You're here now so that's pretty much settled, isn't it?"

"Yeah. And you?"

Despite him not being able to see my face, I gave him a confused look. "Me what?"

"How did you end up in the goth culture?"

"Wow. I'm actually impressed now. You're the first one who walked in here and didn't call me emo, either by accident or as a joke."

"Oh ... I thought it was obvious that you're a goth."

I chuckled. "I'm not that into it though. I love the clothes and the music, but you won't find me hosting tea parties in abandoned graveyards in the middle of the night."

"That's ... a good thing, I think."

"Thanks. By the way, I'll risk this: Metallica or Megadeth?"

"Megadeth, all the way." He answered, full of confidence.

I couldn't help but smile. "Ah, I see you're a man of culture too. Not that there's anything wrong with Metallica, I just like Megadeth's sound better. Favorite album and song?"

"The System Has Failed and 44 Minutes. You?"

"United Abominations and 44 Minutes! Wow ... we actually have pretty similar taste! I'm surprised!"

"Me too ... I didn't expect this! Wait, what's your favorite band? Mine's probably Shinedown."

"They're good, I agree. But my faves tend to be way more niche - I don't take it you've ever heard of Cold Cave?"

"Nope, but I'll make sure to check it out!"

I sighed, lifting the needle from his skin. "I think it's about time I give you a little break. Are you doing fine?"

He awkwardly tried to nod. "Yeah. I kinda ... completely forgot about the pain. But it hurts now that you reminded me!"

We both laughed as I refilled the ink. "Actually ... want me to put on some of his music on now?"

"I'd love that!"

"Okay!"

I quickly jumped over to the computer, pulling up a YouTube playlist before I returned to his tattoo.

We talked without a pause for the rest of the session and by the time I moved him to the chair and had to tell him to "shut up" so I could finish the neck part, I was actually slightly disappointed we wouldn't get to continue the conversation. Looking at my work one last time when I finished, I showed it to him in the mirror before covering it up with bandages.

"Take this off in 4 hours and wash it with lukewarm water, no rubbing whatsoever. There's gonna be a lot of inky-gooey plasma and blood once you remove the covers, don't freak out, that's normal. It's also gonna leak ink for a while, that's normal too. Don't scratch it, don't expose it to the sun, don't soak it in water and even when you wash it quickly, only use lukewarm water and avoid hot water like the plague. Sleep on your stomach for the next two weeks, even if you have to tie yourself down - the ink needs to breathe and not be rubbed against anything. No tight or synthetic clothing. The redness should go down in a few days but if your skin is still visibly irritated after a week, get your ass to a doctor immediately, and give us a call while you're at it. Don't forget to put lotion on it - Yoshino's gonna give it to you in the shop, all the instructions are on the bottle. And last of all, do come show it to me once it's settled in two weeks or so. I'm here most afternoons anyway. Got all of that info?"

He nodded, a sheepish expression on his face but an oddly determined look in his eyes. "Yeah ... the only thing I'm not okay with is the last part - I was hoping I'd get to see you again sooner than in two weeks."


	5. Chapter 5

I almost dropped the needle I was a disassembling. "What?"

He blushed, but didn't look away from me. "Uhm ... I ... the truth is, I'm trying to ask you out."

I put my tool down on the table and ran my fingers though my hair. Sighing heavily, I stared at him for a few seconds before replying: "I was not expecting you to say that."

"W-Why? Do you already have a boyfriend? If you do, I'm really sorry, I just-"

"No." I cut him off as he stumbled over his own words. "I don't have a boyfriend. Haven't had one in a long time."

"Then-"

"Wait - I'm not done yet, okay? I haven't had a boyfriend since forever because that's just not my thing. I don't get into relationships, end of story. Doesn't mean I don't have guys around me all the time, though - but they're nothing more than casual flings. I like to fool around to my heart's content and if you're okay with that, sure, I can go out with you. But you have to realize that you're neither special nor important, and maybe not even the only one. I don't have anyone around at the moment, but if someone else wants to have fun on my terms, I'm not gonna say no just because I have something going on with you. Understand?"

He stood before me without replying, a poorly-hidden look of shock and confusion on his face and I could swear I saw a spark die out in his eyes.

_Well, I guess that was to be expected. I've had dudes older than him shed a tear when I laid this on them so it's no wonder he's in shock right now. He's only 16, for hell's sake. Probably still believes in true love or whatever. Geez, is Yoshino gonna yell at me for shattering his precious illusions? I hope not. I'll just show him out, tell him to forget all about this and-_

"I understand."

He suddenly interrupted my train of though and I looked at him in disbelief: "You what?"

"I understand. I might need some additional clarifications eventually but as far as your terms go, I understand them. And ... uhm ... I'm still interested in you."

I sighed again, probably louder than the last time: "Look, on second thought, this might have been a bad idea to begin with. I've never had a younger guy ask me out before and this is probably not something for you to get into. You should go find a proper girlfriend who'll hold your hand and tell you she loves you and all that shit. I'll most definitely break your heart, I always do that, and you'll get yourself unnecessarily hurt."

To my surprise, he smiled wide, still looking at me: "So what if I get unnecessarily hurt? It's obviously not gonna be the first time," he said, lightly tapping the bandaged area on his shoulder. "I didn't get this tattoo because it was necessary, I got it because I wanted it. I knew it was gonna hurt and it did, but that doesn't change the fact that I wanted it. Just like I want to go out with you."

I sighed for the last time, rolling my eyes. "I swear to heavens, if you end up crying like a little bitch, I'm not even throwing a tissue your way."

"That's fine."

"I'm warning you in advance. Don't get too attached and don't be possessive or whatever. I'll just tell you get lost if you start getting on my nerves. Not to mention that I might get up and leave this place whenever an opportunity arises."

"Is that why you don't want to be in a relationship?"

"Don't pry into my personal affairs either." I shut him off, sounding even stricter than before.

Despite the harshness in my voice, he chuckled, nodding obediently. "Okay, got it. Won't do it anymore. Also, how many more rules are there? Am I gonna have to write up a list?"

"Depends on how stupid you are."

"Not really, unless it's about English. It ruins my grade average every time."

"Good to know. I happen to be completely fluent in it so if I ever want to talk shit about you, you won't even know." I said, laughing a little. "By the way, what should I call you again? I forget names all the time as I tend to remember my clients by the tattoos they get."

"Tadashi. But Yamaguchi is fine too, since I guess you don't want it to be too personal."

"Yamaguchi ..." I mumbled, pondering my options. "That's far too long. You're Yams as far as I'm concerned."

"Okay. I think that's cute. Not as cute as Fluffs though."

I shot him a sideways glance, pouting. "Urgh. Something about the way you and Yoshino say that is just ... weird. Too cute-ish."

"Sorry."

"Never mind. Speaking of which, if you wanna make yourself useful, wait for me in the shop and walk me home. I hate walking around alone."

"As you say."

"I won't be long; 15 minutes tops." I mumbled, watching him leave the ink room with a perplexed smile on his face.

_Seriously ... what has he gotten himself into. I probably shouldn't have let him ... but eh, what do I care. It's his own fault._

_~~~_

Moments later, Yamaguchi walked into the shop from the hallway, saying hi to Yoshino who has moved on from the previous tattoo magazine and was now flipping through the newest issue of a fashion magazine. Seeing him return, she stood up with her usual smile, opening a drawer under the counter and handing him a bottle of lotion:

"There you go. She told you everything else, I assume?"

He nodded, putting the bottle in his bag. "Yeah. Thanks."

"Does it hurt?"

"It does ... a lot, actually. But I think I'll live. Are you reading Vogue?" He asked, directing his gaze to the magazine she laid off on the counter.

"This? Oh, yes! I need to get my style inspiration from somewhere, not all of us can rip apart a black curtain and call it a dress, you know."

They both laughed at her remark until a voice coming from one of the back rooms interrupted them:

"Hey, I heard that! And Yams, you better not be the one laughing at it!"

Almost immediately, Yoshino's signature smile was gone from her face. "Yams?" She asked him in a hushed voice, already fearing the worst.

_Don't tell me he ..._

Yamaguchi cheerfully nodded, somehow beaming with a strange sense of pride. "I managed to ask her out."

_Holy shit ... he did it. He went and did it._

Without thinking about it, she grabbed the collar of his shirt, bringing him down to her eye level. "Are you absolutely insane?" She hissed at him, trying to keep her voice from being heard in the back rooms. "She has more guys going around than I manage to count. They're just a bunch of idiots looking for fun, the kind of people who don't give a shit about anyone's feelings, not even their own - and they're fine because of it. But if someone as pure-hearted as you gets involved with her, that's a direct ticket to heartbreak town!"

A little startled, he stepped away. "I ...uf ... appreciate the sentiment, but ... it's my choice."

"Do you even have any idea of what you're getting into? Look, I sympathize with you - I have a brother your age, I wouldn't wanna see him heartbroken. You should run the hell away while you still can."

Forcing a smile, he looked to the ground. "That's the thing, actually ..."

"What is?"

"I can't get away from her. I just can't." He mumbled, his words lingering in the air like a conviction or an unlucky fortune; something you can't get rid off even if you wanted to.


	6. Chapter 6

Assuming Yoshino was already well into giving Yams a life lesson, I hurried up and got out to the shop in less than 10 minutes. I shot her a halfhearted smile in response to the death glare she greeted me with, but said goodbye to her like nothing was out of order:

"See you tomorrow!"

She didn't care for my butchered attempt at normalcy. "Sure, Fluffs. Whatever."

I sighed as I left the shop, Yams trailing right behind me. We walked up the street in silence for a while since he probably didn't really know what to say, so I decided to at least start some sort of conversation:

"Does it hurt?"

"Yeah. Is everyone gonna ask me that from now on?" He replied, chuckling awkwardly.

"Oops, sorry. Should've realized Yoshino probably asked you the same thing."

"She did. And I think she's really mad at you."

"Nah, don't worry about it. She's just worried about you, but that's not my fault. I told you not to do this, didn't I?"

He nodded, smiling. "You did. It's all on me, no matter what happens. I'll be fine, I just ... uhm ... have to figure some stuff out."

"Like what?"

He looked to the ground, kicking away a random pebble with his foot. "Well, for starters, I can't have anyone find out about ... whatever this arrangement is. My teammates would probably be shocked, not to mention my parents ... urgh, I'd rather not think about it. Mom would raise some serious hell."

"I'm surprised they let you get inked to begin with."

"Huh? Oh, that. Well, they were a little surprised when I told them I wanted a tattoo, but that's almost a year ago. Dad said he always wanted one, but obviously wasn't allowed to get it when he was younger. Mom just said that as long as I understand the consequences and pay for it with what I have saved up, she doesn't mind."

"She's right though ... it's still more or less a very taboo thing to be inked. Do you have any idea what kinda hoops you have to go through just to get a license?"

He shook his head: "I don't - please tell me about it!"

"Ooooh, here it goes. So basically, before you even start thinking about doing ink, you have to ..."

I blabbed on for a while as we walked, explaining every detail I remembered, even going so far as to bring up the two exams I almost failed. He walked beside me, keeping up with my rather fast pace, not once moving his gaze away from me as he carefully listened, looking as if he didn't want to miss a single word of what I was saying ... even though it wasn't important. Hell, it wasn't really interesting; just me blabbing about the stupid paperwork I had to go through and our stupid society which doesn't seem to understand that wanting to express yourself with ink doesn't automatically make you a Yakuza hitman. 

But while I thought he was acting a little weird, it didn't really bother me. It was the first time in a long while that I've had a chance to have a casual conversation like this with someone outside of work, so I just decided to accept it and enjoy it while it lasted. It wasn't long before we got to my apartment building - having company really did make the 20-minute walk less boring. I stopped in front of it, smiling at Yams:

"This is it. The place where I live."

He tilted his head, questioningly looking up at the building: "It looks ... old. And kinda rundown. Not what I was expecting."

"Not what you were expecting? Hey, the apartment is big and the rent is dirt cheap. The heating sometimes fails in the winter but it's nothing an extra blanket can't fix. What the hell did you think my place looked like?"

"Hmm ... maybe something a little more ... worthy of an amazing artist like you?"

I burst out laughing at his comment. "An artist like me? Hahahaaha, seriously? Like what, a villa? I'm perfectly fine with any place that has a bed and a roof above it ... but thanks for the sweet talk. I don't think anyone has used that line on me before."

"I meant it."

"Huh?"

"About you being an amazing artist. I really mean that." He said, his voice cutting clearly though the night air around us.

I looked up at him, searching for any sign of mischief in his eyes ... something that would tell me he didn't actually mean it and that it was just some sleazy compliment he thought up while listening to me the whole way here. But there was nothing - all I could see was his pure-hearted smile and his earnest gaze as he locked eyes with me for probably longer than necessary. I looked away, feeling somewhat silly about the whole situation.

_Maybe I'm too used to people trying to manipulate me with what they say ... but he's being completely honest. It throws me off guard and it feels weird. Yams, you're a weird kind of guy - I'll give you that._

"Thanks, I'm glad you appreciate it. It's what will get me out of this shitty place one day, so I better be amazing at it. Still, that was a good line - you deserve a reward for it."

"Reward?"

I smiled, reaching out my hand. "Give me your phone."

He quickly grabbed it out of his pocket, handing me a black iPhone.

"I didn't think you'd own an Apple. I barely know how to work this non-android thing." I mumbled, swiping to unlock his screen which, funny enough, didn't even have a password on it.

He shrugged his shoulders, somehow hopeful as he watched me type on his phone. "I don't really care about it. My best friend bought one just like this last year so I kinda just got the same one he had. It's fine for me as long as it's black."

"I can agree with that. Here you go!" I said, throwing his phone back to him.

He caught it, looking at the screen. "Is this ..."

"My number. Text me sometime if you wanna, but don't expect me to pick up a call. I hate talking on the phone."

He nodded, smiling brightly. "Okay. Got it. Thank you!"

"No problem. I'll get going then!" I said, already turning around to go up the stairs to my apartment when I suddenly felt a tug on my arm.

He stood behind me, catching my hand in just the right moment to pull me back.

"What is it?" I asked, a tiny bit confused as to what exactly he was trying to do.

"I ... uhm ... wanted to do this before you go."

I didn't even register what he was saying when he already stepped closer to me, hastily pressing his lips against mine for a moment before letting go of my hand, turning around and waving back to me with a smile as he walked down the street:

"Goodnight!"

Surprised, I stared after him for a while before walking up the stairs, unlocking my front door and throwing myself into the bathtub not long after, hot water pouring around me as I closed my eyes, thinking about my day.

_He's got more courage than I thought. Sneaky little bastard ... though I have to admit, that was ... kinda cute?_

I smiled, tracing my lips with my thumb, messing around with my piercings for a while.

_Eh, who am I kidding. That kiss was absolutely adorable. Yams himself is absolutely adorable. Maybe I needed someone like that to break this boring aura of usualness I'm drowning in every single day. I really don't think I've ever had a younger guy ... hmm, the youngest was what, two years older than me? Or was it one year? Not like it matters anyway ... not like anything matters._

I sighed, staring through the small bathroom window at the gray buildings outside.

_Soon, I'll get out of here. I'm making decent money and I've picked up more skills from Yoshino than she'd ever care to admit ... but I still need to get better. The leaves are gone already, I wonder if it's gonna snow soon? I might just wait until winter's over and leave once it's starts to get warmer again ... but man, staying in one place is so boring. No, worse than that ... it's suffocatingly usual. I wonder where I should go next ... I've never been further up north ... but it's also been a while since I've seen Tokyo._

The sound of water splashing across the edge of the tub pulled me out of my thoughts. After I rushed to close the faucet, I was left sitting alone in the silence, unable to ignore the one truth I wouldn't be able to escape from. Leaning back in the water, I closed my eyes, a silent whisper escaping my lips:

"I haven't even done what I came here for in the first place ... and I'm already dreaming of leaving. Wonderful, really."


	7. Chapter 7

Once he got home, Yamaguchi told his parents all about how it went, promising he'd come downstairs to show them the tattoo once he removes the covers in a couple hours. He tried his best to smile, but there was a storm raging inside of him, threatening to drown him from the inside out. As soon as he could, he snuck away into his room, absentmindedly slamming the door behind him. He pressed the power button on his stereo, turning down the volume to a minimum as a Shinedown album began to play on from where he paused it in the morning. He plopped himself head first onto the bed, his chest slowly sinking into the sheets as he fiddled around with his phone - he didn't really mean to call his best friend out of nowhere like that, it just happened.

But Tsukki picked up almost immediately: "How did it go? Did you die? Does it hurt? Are you still single?"

Yamaguchi tried to laugh, but only managed to push some air out through his nose. "What are you, my mom? I thought you hated uselessly hot-blooded people."

"Sorry. But you getting perforated like Swiss cheese is hardly something I wouldn't get a little worried about. So?"

"It went great. I didn't die. It hurts like hell but it's manageable. And ... I don't know."

"Don't know what? Did you ask her out or not?"

"I did, but ..."

"She said no?"

"No, she-" He paused, unsure of what to say or how to even say it. "Hey Tsukki ... can you keep a really weird secret?"

"Secret? Yeah, I can ... I owe you one for not telling anyone about my dinosaur plushies anyway, so ... what's up?"

"Okay, so ... here's what happened ..."

Tsukki patiently listened to his story, his eyes growing wider and wider the more Yamaguchi explained to him. Once he was finished, he searched for the right words, but couldn't find any:

"Yamaguchi, just one thing: are you absolutely out of your mind? How could you say yes to that?!"

At his best friend's harsh critique, Yamaguchi's heart twitched a little.

_I've never heard Tsukki so upset ... about anything._

"I ... I couldn't say no. Please don't be mad at me, Tsukki!"

He heard a sigh on the other end of the phone, followed by reassuring words: "I'm not mad at you, I ... I just know you deserve better than this. You're literally her toy, you do realize that?"

"Yeah."

"Doesn't it hurt?"

"It ... kinda does. But I don't know. I'm confused because the whole time I was with her, I've been happier than ever before."

"Happier than the first time you nailed a jump floater?"

"Oh, Tsukki ... you have no idea. A million times happier. And when I kissed her ... god, I wanted to drop everything and pull her into my arms and never let go of her again ... but I didn't, because she'd probably get rid of me right then and there."

"If this is what it's like, I hope I never fall in love."

"Tsukki, don't say that! Love is ... amazing!"

"It's a drug, if anything."

"You're not gonna tell anyone, right?"

"I'm not. But I swear I'm keeping close watch over you from now on so I can pull you out before this becomes a trainwreck."

"Thanks, Tsukki. I knew I could trust you."

"No problem. I'm just saying - this whole thing is a mistake."

Yamaguchi sighed with relief as he ended the call, finding some solace in the fact that even though Tsukki didn't approve of his "fling" or whatever this was, he at least wasn't about to rat him out. Laying his phone down, a smile spread across his face as he recalled the moment his lips met hers, the surprising coldness of her piercings almost as intense as the warmth he felt in his heart right after.

_It's not a mistake ... something that feels as wonderful as that can't be a mistake!_

Hesitantly, he took his phone back into his hands, staring at her contact info for a while before noticing the time.

_Oh, I should go take the bandage off now. Guess I'll try to text her later._

He walked to the bathroom, carefully taking off the covers and washing off the ink and plasma like he's been told to. He stood with his back facing the mirror, catching glimpses of his new art piece over his shoulder: the black tail of a dragon, the wings and head of a crow. It looked just like he imagined it would ... majestic and fearsome, but something about it made his heart twist in pain the longer he stared at it. Trying to silence the thoughts in his head, he took off the rest of his clothes and stepped into the shower, making sure the hot water stayed clear of his neck and left shoulder.

Trying to take at least one breath without his heart thumping in his chest, he pressed his forehead against the cold tiles on the wall, the steam hitting his face slowly mixing with the tears running down his cheeks.

_Oh god ... I love her. I want to tell her that. I want to hold her close and listen to her heartbeat and make her smile and run my hands through her hair and kiss her over and over again ... but I can't._

_Why?_

_Why doesn't she want to be loved? Isn't that what everyone wants?_

The feeling of water slowly getting colder yanked him out of his misery: he got out of the shower, dried himself off and walked back to his room with a towel around his waist. Once he was dressed in the bottom part of his pajamas and certain he no longer looked like he just cried half of his heart out, he made his way down the stairs, proudly showing off the tattoo to his mom and dad before returning to bed.

He stared at his phone for a while before finally deciding what to text her:

"Hey. Mind if I come by tomorrow after work? - Yams."

With that, he settled into the bed and slowly drifted to sleep, resting his head on the mattress because he tucked his pillow beside him to prevent himself from turning around on his back during the night and was too lazy to grab another one from downstairs.

~~~

The next morning, I woke up to a text from an unknown number.

_I wonder which idiot is it this time ... oh, it's just Yams._

"Sure. I have an appointment til 8 but I'll probably be annoyed after it because it's a stupid tattoo that Yoshino doesn't have time to do. If you don't wanna hear me rant, don't show up."

Once my reply was sent, I stared at my ceiling for a while, contemplating whether or not I should go back to sleep until my first appointment in the afternoon, but then decided I wanted to be productive. I got up, got dressed, made some breakfast, shoved my sketchbook and pens into my bag and headed out the door.

On my own, it only took me 15 minutes to get to work - but that was mostly because I was half-running most of the way there ... anything so I didn't have to spend much time walking through the streets alone. I pushed the shop doors open a little after 10, much to Yoshino's surprise:

"What's up with you? I didn't think you knew life existed before 11am ... or is the guilt of ruining a 16-year-old boy's life keeping you up?"

"Come on, I thought we were friends."

"And I thought you had some common decency."

"Yoshino, no matter how much you dislike it, you're not gonna change my attitude or the fact that he's agreed to it. So can we please just move on from this? We both know he's not gonna stick around for more than a few weeks, they never do."

She sighed, digging through a pile of papers on the counter. "Fine. But it doesn't mean I'm okay with it!"

"I don't need you to be, just don't pester me with your morals."

"Yeah, yeah, I know ... I know. But really, what made you drop by so early? Is there an appointment I missed?"

I shook my head. "I happened to wake up early and thought I'd pop in, maybe clean my desk a little and work on some designs."

"What are you, trying to get some extra hours in?"

I laughed. "You forget not all of us get a decent hourly wage here. You might have taken over the shop work and all the papers, but while you're laying on your butt with 1 or 2 short sessions each day, the rest of us are still barely paid if we sit around here when we don't have appointments!"

"Eh ... as if I like this. Sure, working all day with just a lunch break in between is great for my paycheck, but I miss doing all the intricate pieces that you've taken over now."

"Don't blame me for it, blame the previous dude who just got up and left the counter job right after I got here."

"But you're gonna do the same thing eventually, won't you?"

I sighed, flashing her a smile. "Please ... I'll at least turn in my one month's notice. And I'm not going anywhere until at least spring, I can tell you that much."

"Good to know. I'm kinda worried about you, you know ... but at least as far as business goes, I have no doubts about your success. You're crazy talented, Fluffs. The six years I have on you feel like nothing in the face of your insane skills."

"Says the one who taught me a shit ton of stuff."

"I only improved the areas you've already started to develop on your own."

"If you insist ... but you still have skills I'll never have! Like this ... desk work, for example!"

"Not for long, I hope. The boss said he'll get someone to replace me soon so I can get back to full time inking work."

"Yay, you'll be back with us again!" I jumped up, exaggerating my happiness just a little. "Speaking of which, are the guys here? Any clients?"

She nodded. "Both of them, yeah. Gun just finished a session 10 minutes ago and Ikki has a client coming in soon, but they're both free now, so ..."

Before she finished, I already ran down the hallway: "Guyssssss, hi!!"

"Why are you here so early? And what's up with the new boy?" Gun's deep voice boomed from the inking room.

Before I had the chance to reply, Ikki popped his head into the hallway from the office: "Yeah we heard something about a new boy. Where's the info? I totally wanna meet him."

I sighed, dropping my bag off at my desk. "I'll let you know soon enough, okay? Let me at least make coffee first. And if you're that interested, he's coming to see me after work today - drop by in the evening if you wanna."

"I just might."

"Me too."

"Ah, wonderful. I see the protective older brother squad is still very much alive!"

We laughed and joked around for the rest of the day until both of them finished their appointments and headed home. A little later, Yoshino went out for lunch and left me alone in the shop - I made good use of the time, sketching a few designs on top of cleaning both mine and Ikki's desk and by the time my first appointment rolled around in the afternoon, I was already well settled into my work rhythm.

But in the back of my mind, I was silently happy that Yams was coming around later and I'd have him walk me home again.


	8. Chapter 8

As the evening rolled around, I was just about to finish my daily paperwork when I heard a sudden outburst of laughter coming from the shop.

_That ... definitely wasn't Yoshino._

I took my bag, turned off the lights in the office and walked out to the shop just in time to see that not only have Gun and Ikki both returned like they said they would, but they were also already swarming around Yams who seemed to have just got there a few seconds ago.

Mildly annoyed with their antics, I pushed the two apart, clinging onto Yams' arm: "Sorry to ruin the family meeting but we're going now." I said to them, sticking out my tongue as I dragged Yams to the door.

"Hey, we just got to him!"

"Yeah. I didn't even get to see his ink yet."

I sighed, rolling my eyes. "Too bad. Bye!"

As soon as the two of us were out and walking up the street, I let out the laughter I was holding in:

"Gaaaah, I'm sorry if they got on your nerves, it's just ..." I paused, wiping away the tears that formed in the corners of my eyes from laughing too much. "We had this older brother squad joke going on for a while and then it kinda never died, so ... it's fun to see, but it gets on my nerves when they start to question the guys I go out with. It's not their business, is it?"

I looked up at him to find his gaze fixated on me, his face in a weird state between shocked and happy.

"Earth to Yams? Hello?"

He blinked, pointing to me with his free hand: "You're ... still holding on to me."

"Well obviously I am, you're warm and it's cold outside."

"Uhm ... yeah. I guess. Do you want to-"

"Don't even think of offering me your jacket - you were gonna say that, right?"

He nodded, blushing slightly.

"That's such an overused move, just saying. What next, you're gonna kiss me in the rain?"

Blushing even more, he looked away, mumbling something under his breath.

"What was that? I didn't hear."

"I said I would if you'd let me."

I chuckled, pushing a strand of hair away from my face just before it would get caught in my shark bites again. "Well, it's not supposed to rain any time soon and waiting would be pretty boring."

"I'm confused ... does that mean yes or no?"

I reached up, flicking his forehead with my index finger. "That means you can kiss me whenever you want to."

In my mind, I was only stating the obvious - so it kinda surprised me when not even a moment later, he pressed his lips against mine for the second time. The sudden warmth lit a spark, it lingered for a moment ... and then it was gone.

Just like that, he pulled away, forcefully staring at the sky as if he actually believed I wouldn't see that his already blushing face turned to an even darker shade of pink.

_Hmm ... let me guess ..._

"Hey Yams ... am I the first girl you asked out?"

"You are."

"Is that why you have absolutely no idea how to kiss?"

Funny enough, that made him twitch more than anything I've done to him with an inking needle. "I ... uhm ... actually ... umph ... that was uncalled-for."

"Oh trust me, it was completely called for. Come, we're taking a detour." I giggled, suddenly yanking him to the left instead of heading straight towards my apartment.

"Wha-"

"No questions! Just follow me."

_It's true I've only lived here for a couple months, but if I know anything, it's where to find desolate places where there aren't any people around to bother you._

A few minutes later, I stopped at an old, worn-out playground. "Have you ever been here?"

"Y-Yeah ... when I was little. What are- I mean, why are we here?"

"Because no one ever comes here. At least not in the evening. I found it by accident: it's quiet, it looks abandoned and those trees over there are just the right amount of creepy once it's dark ..." I trailed off, dragging him behind me until we finally stood in the shadows of the few giant trees in the corner of the playground. "... basically, it's the perfect place."

Hidden from the street lights, he looked even more adorably confused with nothing but the faint moonlight to illuminate his features. I saw his eyes searching my face, looking for something that would make sense of the situation ... but I sure as hell wasn't gonna give him that. Moments later, my mischievous smile won the stare down: he sighed, leaning his back against a tree in defeat: "I give up. I don't know why were here."

"Yams ... close your eyes."

He gave me a questioning look, but closed his eyes right after. 

I slowly stepped closer to him, leaning against his chest as I stepped on my toes, pressing my lips against his. He gasped in surprise, almost instinctively pulling away - but I didn't let him. If he thought the kiss was over by his standards, that was fine; it wasn't over by mine. He quickly gave in, trying to match the movement of my lips with his own: it was clumsy and awkward, like an art school freshman over confidently attempting to mimic Picasso. But there was a message in the way he returned my kiss, a silent plea so desperate, I could almost hear it each time his lips got in the way of mine:

_Please, don't stop ... please ... please ... I know I can't keep up, but ... I haven't had enough yet ... please ... don't take this away from me._

I smiled into the kiss, unable to resist how cute he was. I gently tugged on his bottom lip, my thoughts almost answering his:

_Don't worry, Yams ... it's nowhere near over ... in fact, I don't intend to stop until you'll have to beg me for air._

I traced his already slightly parted lips with my tongue, intentionally messing with every bit of him before finally showing him what a real kiss looked like ... and I guess it must have been something like a shock wave to him:

I heard him gasp for air just a second before.

I felt his whole body shiver as my tongue piercing grazed against the roof of his mouth.

And a second after that, it finally hit him. He wrapped his arms around my back, pulling me to his chest even tighter as he leaned forward, his tongue catching mine as I slid my arms around his neck, playing with his hair just a little ... and suddenly, I wasn't the one in charge anymore.

For the last few seconds before we pulled away to finally breathe, it was both of us.

Both of us kissing each other with everything we had, both of clinging onto each other with all our strength, both of us wanting to taste each other's lips just a little more, even if only for a second ...

Both of us so lost in that kiss, it felt like nothing outside of it ever mattered or existed at all.

Taking deep, ragged breaths, the cold night air burning my lungs, I looked up at him: "This ... is how ... you kiss someone."

He was once again staring at me, his eyes wide in awe. As if in a trance, he moved his hands up, cupping both of my cheeks as he pressed his forehead against mine. He was probably cold; I could feel it on the tip of his nose as it brushed against mine ... but his eyes looked like they were on fire. When he finally remembered how to speak, he was stuttering, his voice trembling as if he didn't even have the time to say the words he wanted to say:

"Can ... Can I ... Please!"

I smiled, tangling my fingers in his hair: "Didn't I tell you? That you can kiss me whenever you want?"

As if he'd just been pulled from the pit of despair by my words, he leaned even closer to me, one last sigh of insane happiness escaping his lips: "You did."

We kissed again, our hearts getting lost in the shadows as the line between the two of us got blurrier and blurrier with every new touch, every new smile, every new gaze begging for permission to steal my lips once more, just once more ... and a hundred more times after that.

In hindsight, maybe it was then that I felt it for the first time - two souls needing each other so much that they choose to become one ... even if only through something as brief and as fleeting as a kiss between two people whom back then, I still thought were brought together by coincidence and not fate.

~~~

A long while later, we finally headed back to my place as the evening wind slowly got colder and colder. Walking beside him, I was humming along to an AC/DC tune I had stuck in my head, trying to hide the fact that I was freezing. Maybe I'm a bad liar or maybe it was just his common sense, but a moment later, he suddenly took of his jacket, dropping it on my shoulders before I even had the chance to refuse.

"Hey, I didn't ask for this!"

"But you're cold."

"And you'll be too if you don't put this back on immediately."

He shrugged his shoulders. "So what?"

"What do you mean, "so what?" Being cold hurts ... or at least, it's unpleasant."

He grinned at me, his eyes sparkling: "Well, I voluntarily got my skin perforated by a needle and then I started going out with you, so ... being cold doesn't really bother me since I'm probably just a huge masochist."

"Hmph. Sure. I'll wear it, I guess."

"You better. So, what was that annoying tattoo you said you were going to rant about?"

I sighed, thinking back to the guy who came in earlier to get his girlfriend's name tattooed into a flower on his chest. A distant memory flashed through my mind, but I quickly shook my head, choosing to ignore it:

"Eh, I don't feel like complaining about it anymore. Good job on your part, you've successfully distracted me!"

"Tha- uhm ... that was mostly your doing." He mumbled, looking at my apartment building just down the street to avoid eye contact.

"Don't sell yourself short, you learned the ropes fast enough." I said, stopping in front of my place and flashing him a mischievous smile.

His jaw dropped as he finally looked at me again: "R-Really?"

I used that moment of confusion to give him a quick kiss, messing up his hair as I pulled away. "Really. If you pick up more skills like that, you'll make your future girlfriend really happy someday."

His eyes lit up: "How about you? Will I ever get to make you happy?"

I chuckled, amused by his cuteness. "Nope, sorry." I said, still smiling as I headed up the stairs.

"Why?"

My smile slowly faded, but I wasn't gonna let him see that. Without turning around, I nonchalantly gave him the answer I've used so many times already, it almost felt like a soap opera line by now:

"Because I'm never happy."


	9. Chapter 9

I thought evening walks and makeout sessions in desolate parks or in my front yard would be the full extent of whatever it was that Yams and I shared. After all, that's how my flings have always been - fierce and short-lived, over once the guys got what they wanted or when I found them too clingy or boring to keep around any longer. I knew from the start that if anything, Yams was gonna end up in that second category of poor dudes who happen to have a genuine crush on me, and I was fully prepared to kick him to the curb the moment he'd start getting too involved with me ... but he was somehow different from any other guy I've gone out with before. Leaving aside his determined optimism, innocent confusion and almost child-like pure heartedness, there were many other things that surprised me:

He was careful. He moved around me like a cat walking on glass, knowing damn well that a single wrong move could have unfavorable consequences. He didn't beg to see me every day, but whenever he did ask if we could meet, it was always a super sweet message that made it clear he would totally understand if I said no. He didn't stare at me for too long, didn't hug me too tight, didn't kiss me too desperately ... the only thing was that maybe, he blushed and smiled way too much. But I found it absolutely adorable when he did both at the same time, so I let that one slide. Long story short, he was conveniently perfect.

So perfect, in fact, that Yoshino started making comments about how weird I was being for not getting bored of him once a whole month had already gone by since we started going out. As I walked home with him that evening, looking at the slowly falling snowflakes around me, I wondered if maybe, she was right ... if maybe, I should ditch him at this point. But I had no reason to: he didn't overstep his boundaries, he didn't get on my nerves and most of all - being with him wasn't boring.

Which wouldn't normally make sense ... seeing someone for more than a couple weeks always bored me to death. But he unexpectedly found all kinds of ways to break apart the monotone feeling of spending a longer amount of time with him: he brought me black roses (and I still have no clue where he managed to buy those in the middle of winter), he gave me little gifts like the exact kind of chocolate Yoshino told him I like, or key chains he said would nicely fit my already crowded set of keys, or tiny plush animals that apparently made him think of me when he saw them in the store.

When the holidays rolled around, I thought I'd spend them alone like always ... but then he texted me, simply asking if I had plans for Christmas. I stared at that message for way too long before finally deciding to reply with the truth:

"Yes. Watching The Nightmare Before Christmas and getting drunk on hot chocolate and tea with cinnamon."

"My parents are visiting my mom's family in Niigata for the holidays ... so we can do that at my house too, since I'll be home alone. I told them I can't go with them because I have to study for exams."

"Is that like ... an invitation?"

"Yes, but only if you want to! I can bribe you with cookies though."

"Sure." I texted him back, smiling as I pressed send.

And that is the story of how I spent my first Christmas in 3 years not being alone. I got to his house in the morning, just in time to catch him almost burning the cookies he had in the oven. We blasted everything from The Rolling Stones to Arch Enemy to sappy Christmas songs, laughing at how repetitive every single radio station was and agreeing that we should definitely stick to his CDs. As the afternoon rolled around, we watched the movie together and upon finding out he hadn't seen a single Tim Burton animation yet, I decided we absolutely needed to change that.

Cuddled next to him on his bed under the same comfy blanket, I intended to enlighten him about the wonders he had missed on by not watching what were arguably some of my favorite movies ... but less than halfway into Corpse Bride, the movie on his laptop already became merely a background noise as we got lost in each other's eyes, eventually closing them so our lips could find their way together, our kiss slow and passionate, dragging on for what I hoped would be forever. I felt the warmth of his hands around my waist, the trembling of his lips as they brushed against mine, the firm muscles on his chest, his racing heartbeat as our kiss deepened ... and I loved it.

I loved feeling so safe and protected.

I loved being with him.

I loved ... 

~~~

On New Year's Eve, he called me out of nowhere and asked if I was home.

"Of course I'm home, where else would I be? It's almost midnight anyway ..."

"What are you doing right now?"

"Watching the snow fall as I clean my kitchen. Why?"

"If you have the time ... please come outside."

"Yams?"

I tried to get an explanation out of him, but he already hung up. Confused, I put on my boots and threw on a coat, my heart skipping in my chest just a little.

_This is stupid. It's cold outside. Did he really ... no, why would he come all the way here in this freaking snow? But then again, why do I have to go outside?_

I stepped outside, immediately seeing his tall figure under the flickering street light in the front yard. He waved at me, a wide smile on his face ... and the sight of him standing down there like an idiot, snowflakes getting caught in his hair ... it made me feel like the whole world stopped for a while.

Before I knew it, I was already running down towards him, met with his wide open arms at the bottom of the stairs. He caught me, pulling me into a tight hug which I returned right away:

"Why the hell are you here ..." I sighed, whispering into his ear as I buried my face in his neck.

"I wanted to see you ... and also ... have you ever kissed someone at midnight on New Year's Eve?"

"I haven't- wait, is that why you came here?!"

He kissed me without answering, our lips perfectly completing each other's. "Happy New Year" he whispered, pulling away for just a second before we kissed again. I stood there, in the street that I hated, surrounded by snow which I couldn't stand, in the arms of the guy who was able to make me forget everything around me with every single word he said to me, every smile he wore on his face, every kiss he gave me.

When I finally sent him home that night, I admitted it to myself for the first time: that out of all the guys I've ever been with, Yams was the most special one.

And he was my favorite one too.

~~~

As always, January was full of people getting tattoos to celebrate their stupid New Year's resolutions: I've found that annoying for as long as I can remember and the only thing making it tolerable was the extra money I was making for the whole month, but even that wouldn't cheer me up this year ... because half the time, I was stuck in the inking room when I should actually be watching Yams' team play in the nationals on TV.

With the trip to Tokyo and all the intensive training they've done before the tournament, it was getting close to 3 weeks since the last time I saw him, the image of him waiting outside my apartment at midnight always on my mind. When he called me to say they've lost a game and were eliminated, I did my best to cheer him up ... but a horribly selfish part of me was excited to know he'd return home soon.

"So ... when are you coming back?"

"The finals are in 2 days and we're staying here to watch ... so we'll get back sometime on Saturday afternoon."

"Okay! Let me know when you'll be back."

"I will ... also- oh wait, Tsukki's calling for me, I have to go! Bye!"

"Bye ..." I whispered into the empty office air, slowly taking the phone away from my ear and staring at it for a while.

_Why the hell am I so upset he didn't have more time to talk to me. I didn't know it was possible to get so used to someone always being there, even though ... this almost reminds me of ..._

My train of thought was cut short by Yoshino throwing a bunch of papers at me, laughing like she just pulled the greatest prank of the century:

"What are you spacing out for? You still have paperwork that needs to be done."

"Yeah, yeah ... I have a 2-hour break, I'll get it done now."

"Nope, a session just came up for you - that's why I'm back here to begin with."

"Huh? Unannounced, in a 2 hour time window?"

"It's just a quick coloring touch up, some guy in Osaka apparently didn't do a good enough job."

"Why can't Ikki do it?"

"He already has a customer in the main room ... and besides, you were specifically requested. It's one of your exes, or whatever you call them."

My heart stopped, leaving a knot in my throat. "O-Okay. Send him in, I'll get right to it."

I got up from my chair, walking to the second inking room with my mind floating around somewhere I couldn't even reach it.

_Stop ... what's this freaking panic? Stop it immediately ... what am I doing? A lot of them come around again, why are my hands suddenly shaking? I honestly hope he asks to go out with me again, it's about time anyway. Having just Yams is weird for me. I wonder who is it ... there were those tall dudes from summer break, that super cute one from what, May? ... yeah, probably ... and that insanely hot one with that cool car, how long ago was that again?_

"Hey."

I looked up, seeing him leaning against the door frame with a confident grin on his face.

"You don't seem to have cooled down at all, Fluffs. I'm almost afraid to come over and touch you, might get burned."

I quickly smiled, rolling my eyes at his pickup lines. "Hey, Eizou. I see you've picked up more ink than manners since the last time I saw you."

He walked in, sitting down on the chair, rolling up his sleeves to show me the new ink he got: "This was Sapporo, this was in Nagoya, that one was in Himeji, where by the way, I totaled that Ferrari - fell asleep while driving! It doesn't really matter, dad got me a Mercedes for my birthday anyway. Oh, I almost forgot!" He got back on track, pointing to his neck: "I got this goldfish last month in Osaka, but the color on the tail is barely there. I was up north for the holidays anyway, so I figured I'd just have you fix it."

"Sure, let me see ... yeah, no problem. I'll get this done in 20 minutes if you'll be really still."

He reached out, gently touching my arm as I was preparing the ink. "You make it sound like being still next to you is easy."

"Isn't it?" I asked, facing away from him.

"Never has been. I have about a billion things in mind when I think of you and not one of them involves sitting still." He gave me a wink, tilting his head to the side. "But let's say I'll let you fix this first."

"Thanks." I mumbled, enjoying the solace of the coming minutes when he sat quiet, probably drooling over me in his mind like they all did. I finished my work, my mind no calmer than it was before as I put a bandage over the small part I fixed.

He touched it lightly, smiling as he stood up. "Barely felt anything. You're perfect."

"Thanks."

"So, when does the most perfect girl I've ever been with have the time to go out with me?"

"I ... uhm ..."

"It's fine if you put me on the waiting list, I'll be around for at least a few more weeks. I'm house sitting my friend's place in Sendai and let me tell you, you'd love that house! It's even bigger than mine - even has a jacuzzi, and the fact you probably have no swimsuit around in the middle of winter makes it that much better."

I took a step back, looking up at him with an uncertain gaze. "Eizou, actually ..."

_The hell am I doing. No. This was not the plan!_

"... well, the thing is ..."

_Just tell him yes. Just say you'll go out with him. He was really good in all aspects, wasn't he? Wasn't he?!_

"... January is just a mess, as always, so I'm sorry but I'm ... currently taking a break from going out with people."

_Just. What. Is. This. Bullshit._

He tilted his head, giving me a funny look: "A break? But I thought having a couple guys around at all times made things fun for you."

"Yeah, but I can't focus on work that way, you idiot. Isn't that obviously the most important thing?"

He sighed, laughing a little. "You're still the same old self-centered egoist, I see. Well, whatever. If you happen to get lonely, you know where to call me - and you know I won't let you get bored for a second." He said, winking at me for the last time as he walked down the hallway to the shop.

With him out of sight, the strength suddenly left my legs and I fell to my knees, sitting on the floor like a deer in the headlights. My stomach felt unsteady, my eyes felt like they were burning and my mind was buzzing with countless thoughts and voices. I lowered my head, ignoring the strands of hair that obstructed my vision ...

... and then, I cried.

I shed a few tears before starting to sob uncontrollably.

I couldn't get myself to go out with Eizou ... and it finally hit me that I'd never be able to go out with anyone else again.

Just the thought of it hurt too much. I slowly gasped for air, wishing I'd know how to deal with all these emotions or at least be able to stop the tears ... but most of all, I wished Yams would be there.

Holding me in his arms like he always did.

Kissing me like it was the only thing in the universe that mattered.

Telling me I was beautiful with no underlying meaning ... simply because he really meant it.


	10. Chapter 10

Not soon after, I heard someone close the door. Before I managed to look up, Yoshino already plopped herself down on the floor in front of me, holding out a pack of tissues:

"Here. Take it."

I continued to stare at the floor, tears running down my face without a word.

"Ah ... I guess I was mistaken after all. Not even your heart is tough. You're just a helpless ball of misery." She mumbled, taking a tissue and wiping away my tears.

"Yoshino ... you don't ... you don't have to do this."

"I know. I damn well know you can't deal with people being kind to you, but I'm not leaving you alone when you're like this. Like it or not, I care about you. We all do. But if it makes it easier for you, I guess you can tell yourself I'm just being nice to you because I honestly believe you'll end up in one of those magazines next to Kat Von D someday."

"Neither of those things are okay."

"I thought as much." She said, smiling as I finally looked up at her. "So ... is this what I think it is?"

"I ... I don't know what you're talking about."

"Hey, it's not that complicated. On a 1 to 10 scale, that guy's a freaking 20 and he was practically throwing himself at you again - but you said no. You've never said no to a guy before. And you've been getting weirder and weirder ever since Yamaguchi came along, so ... I'm really just putting two and two together here."

"Yeah ... you got me. Now what?"

"Tell him, maybe?"

I shook my head, a cynical smile on my lips: "You know I can't ... I ... I ..." I paused, feeling as if the whole world was collapsing on me in that very moment. I closed my eyes, tears starting to fall down again.

_That room ... the two of them ... the endless streets ... running._

_Running, running, running ... through people, through the night, through those damn streets._

_And nothing has changed._

_Three years have gone by and I'm still too weak to do anything but run away all the time._

"I can't survive that again, Yoshino. I can't." I sighed, grabbing the tissue from her hand before she'd start to wipe away my tears for the second time.

"But you'll never be happy if you keep running away!" She raised her voice, standing up and reaching out her hand for me to hold.

Unsure of whether she could read my mind, I just stared at her, a blank expression on my face: "Why should I be happy? Why does that matter?"

"Because you're a good person. You skipped out on dealing with shit back when you should have dealt with it, the only thing you ever care about is selfishly protecting your own fragile heart and you're borderline impossible to deal with at times because of all the damn walls you put up ... but still, somewhere under all that shit, you're a good person. And good people deserve to be happy."

"I don't know about being a good person ... all I know is that I'm ... I'm ... naive and replaceable."

She sighed, reaching down to grab my wrists and pull me up on my feet by force. She then dragged me with her to the office, shoving all my things into my bag and handing me my jacket along with it.

"What ... what are you doing." I asked her, not comprehending a single thing that was going on.

"When's he coming back?"

"He ... uhm ... Saturday afternoon. Probably more towards the evening ... I think."

"Good. I'll clean up and do your paperwork for you. I'll also take over your Friday appointments, so you have tomorrow off." She said, dragging me behind her once again until she almost pushed me out the shop door. "Get your ass home now, and take this time to figure out what you're gonna do once he's back."

"Why-"

"Because ... well, I can't say much about what happened: I wasn't there and you've only told me your side of the story. But there is one thing that I am absolutely certain of - you're not the same person you were three years ago. And that means two things: the same things won't happen to you again and you don't have the right to judge everything else by that one screw up. Mistakes happen. They freaking happen all the time."

"But-"

"No buts. It doesn't matter. It doesn't freaking matter if that mistake defined your whole life up until now - you have the chance to change that now ... and you might not get another one for a while. Goodnight."

I watched as she shut the door to my face. I stood there in disbelief for a while before slowly heading towards my apartment, spending half an hour just looking for the keys in my bag because she threw them in so haphazardly ... and also because I felt like I was in some crappy slow motion movie.

Walking in, I flopped onto my sofa ... without bothering to make dinner or even take a shower. Heck, I didn't even take off my boots - but I was too emotionally drained to care. I stared at the moonlight reflecting off of the TV and at some point ... I fell asleep, dreaming about the Christmas Yams and I spent together.

~~~

The next day, I woke up at 6 in the evening. I managed to get up and take a bath, I even forced myself to cook something instead of ordering a pizza ... but no matter how long I stared at the two unanswered texts and a missed call on my phone, I couldn't bring myself to call him back.

_What would I even say ... I feel like the worst person ever right now ... Do I even have the right to tell him how I feel?_

As I sat back down on the sofa to watch whatever random drama would be on TV, my phone beeped again:

"Hey ... I'm really sorry if I texted you too much. I know you're probably busy, I just ... Well, we're coming home tomorrow at 4 and I was hoping I could see you if you don't have any other plans. I'm so sorry for asking that much. Please don't be mad at me ... please."

I should have replied to that. I knew he'd worry if I hadn't ... but I was still too cowardly to send him a message. Instead, I just stared at the screen without even realizing I was crying until the first teardrop hit my phone, smudging itself all over the hopeful text he sent me.

I barely slept that night. But when I opened my eyes on Saturday morning, it was as if all doubt was suddenly erased from my heart. I staggered off the sofa, pulling away the curtains and taking a deep breath of air as the sunlight hit my face. I practically jumped in and out of the shower, got dressed in a hurry and headed out to the convenience store ... because while I was pretty well stocked with food, french fries were one of the few things I rarely bought.

I got a huge frozen bag of them, frying all as soon as I got home. Once that was done, I left them sitting in a bowl on the counter, hoping they would go soggy soon enough. With nothing better to do, I cleaned my whole apartment because ... well, that was already overdue anyway.

_If I'm gonna invite a guy to my place for the first time, it should at least look somehow presentable._

A little after 3 in the afternoon, I headed out again, carefully scouting out the area around his school.

_Once their bus gets back here, he'll probably head down this street because it's the fastest way to his house ... so I guess this would be a good spot._

I stopped a decent distance away from the school gates, knowing it would be awkward if his teammates saw me. Hoping I picked the right street, I leaned against a streetlight post, closed my eyes, listened to the sound of wind swooshing around my ears and waited.

~~~

Sensing that the bus got off the highway and was now peacefully wobbling left and right on the country roads, Tsukki woke up from his nap, stretching his neck as well as he could. He quickly glanced around the bus, but everyone else still seemed to be asleep ... well, everyone except Yamaguchi who was in the exact same position as before Tsukki fell asleep: staring at the phone in his hand, sighing every now and then.

"Oy."

Startled, Yamaguchi turned to look at him: "Oh ... hey Tsukki ... good morning? We're almost home."

"Please don't tell me you've been staring at that thing the whole time I was asleep."

"Sorry."

Tsukki sighed, not really knowing what to do anymore. After all, he already did everything he could: he tried to talk some sense into Yamaguchi, he tried to logically explain why this isn't a good thing, he got really mad at him on multiple occasions, he tried to somehow be there for him whenever he cried because of this stupid girl ... heck, at one point, he even considered telling his parents about it - but in the end, he decided he should at least trust his friend that much and leave it alone. They haven't spoken about her for a while now, so he decided to at least make sure they were still on the same page:

"So ... you still love her?"

Yamaguchi nodded, trying to smile. "I do. I never stopped. I never even thought about stopping ... I don't think it's even possible for me to not love her."

"Well shit. I was hoping for a different answer. What did she do this time?"

"She hasn't replied to me since Thursday when I called her ... I think I texted her too much after that. I really tried not to, I swear, but ... it's just so hard. I want to talk to her all the time, I want to see her all the time ... all these feelings are just getting stronger. I'm starting to fear that one day, I'll just blurt out that I love her because I won't be able to keep it in anymore."

"Well, maybe you should- never mind." Tsukki cut himself off, seeing that Hinata woke up in the seat in front of them. It didn't really matter that much because the school was only a few minutes away and they wouldn't have the chance to finish the conversation either way. So he waited for everyone to get off the bus, say their goodbyes and head in their own directions; it was only when Yamaguchi and him were already heading towards their homes that he thought it safe to bring the topic up again:

"Hey, so ... what I wanted to say before Hinata woke up ..."

"Yes?"

"Well ... look, I have no idea how that's supposed to work or anything, but ... shit, how do I say this ..." He struggled to find the right words, hoping he'd get his point across either way: "I was just thinking that maybe, you should- Yamaguchi?" He looked back at his friend who suddenly stopped in his tracks, looking straight past him as if he saw a ghost.

"Yamaguchi?"

~~~

I was staring at the cloudy sky, somewhat absentminded until I heard someone call out his name. Startled, I looked up the street where for a moment, a confused, tall blonde guy caught my eye - but in the next second, Yams' gaze met mine and in that one moment, everything was alright. Everything was just the way it should be.

He stared at me with a shocked expression on his face. I tried to walk up to him but my feet refused to move ... and yet, before I knew it, he already dropped his bag to the ground, running to me and spinning me around in his arms as he kissed me with everything he had. It was the best, the most perfect kind of kiss I could ever imagine, but then again, all his kisses were like that: loving, passionate, deep and never long enough. We pulled away, our arms still wrapped tightly around each other as he stared into my eyes with a bright smile on his face:

"Oh my god ... I thought I screwed up."

"I'm so sorry, I-"

"No, it's okay, it's okay ... it's my fault."

"It's not your fault! I ..." I paused, not knowing where to even start. Before I could figure out what to say, a meaningful cough interrupted my thoughts.

We both took a step back, looking at the tall blonde who caught up to us, carrying Yams' bag with his left arm: "Sorry to disturb the lovebirds, but this thing is heavy. I don't plan to carry it around for you, Yamaguchi."

"Right. Sorry. I ... wasn't thinking." Yams mumbled, blushing as he took the bag from his hands, flinging it across his shoulder. "Also, uhm ... this is my best friend, Tsukki, and this is ..."

"I think I figured out who she is by now." The blonde said with an agitated tone, not even bothering to look at me. "Guess I'll go on ahead."

"Yeah ... thanks."

"No problem."

"If anyone asks, I'll just say I'm with you again ..."

"Like always. See ya."

Perplexed, I stared after Tsukki until I felt the warmth of Yams' hand in mine. I looked up at him to once again be met with that angelic smile as he looked back at me:

"I'm so happy to see you, but ... why are you here?"

"I ... I was waiting for you. I wanted to ask if you wanted to have dinner with me?"

"Sure! Where are we going?"

"Actually ... I was thinking of inviting you to my place ... if that's okay."

"Huh? But Yoshino said you've never let anyone in your apartment ..."

"Uhm ... I guess she was right." I mumbled, looking to the ground as I tugged on his arm. "Are you coming or not?"

"I am ... yeah, I definitely am!"

We walked the rest of the way in silence and I grew increasingly nervous the closer we got. Once we were there, I unlocked the door, showing him in as I tried to calm down my breathing.

"So ... this is where I live. Please feel at home." I mumbled some stupid lines as I took off my boots. "Just leave your shoes here, it's fine."

_What am I even saying ... more like, what are you supposed to say when someone visits you? I don't know ..._

He walked into my kitchen and living room area and stared at the sketches and paintings on my walls: "Wow ... oh my god ... wow ... this is just ... breathtaking. You made all of these, right? They look just like your style!"

I made my way to the sofa, watching him admire my art for a while.

_Yams ... I'm so sorry about this ... you don't deserve this ... you've done absolutely nothing wrong to deserve this._

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and finally said it:

"Hey ... I need to tell you something."


	11. Chapter 11

Confused, he looked at me, wanting to ask what was going on, but the pleading look in my eyes sealed his mouth shut. He nodded and sat down on the sofa next to me, one of his legs dangling off the edge so that he was facing me. Unable to bear the intensity of his gaze, I averted my eyes, looking down at my hands in my lap, staring at the black rose tattooed on my left wrist. I gently ran my fingers across it, for the first time fully ready to remember everything it meant to me.

And then, without any thought out plan and knowing damn well it probably wouldn't make any sense, I began to tell him everything:

"I told you I moved here from Fukuoka, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, that's true ... but it's not where I'm from. I was actually born in Sendai. I've lived there my whole life ... until my first year of high school. You know the infamous Sendai biker district?"

"I do."

"It's a really sketchy place, I can tell you that. My high school wasn't far away from there, and we always had a lot of bikers hanging around the school gates. Everyone told us to be wary of them, especially us girls ... but I found them absolutely mesmerizing. I started hanging out with them after class and ... I fell in love with one."

"Oh ..."

"Yeah ... I have no idea what his real name was, but everyone called him Mitsu. He was this tall, rebellious runaway who made money creating tattoos in his run down apartment. Maybe I liked that about him, or maybe it was the fact that he was a few years older than me, or maybe ... well, it doesn't really matter. I loved him. I really, really loved him. I was skipping class just so I could be together with him. He was the one who gave me my first tattoo ... you see this rose? Well, I had it inked over, but there used to be skull underneath it. A skull and two small hearts linked together."

"The kind of couple-like design you absolutely hate?"

"Exactly ... but back then, I was over the moon about it. It was the proof of our love, and it was also the day I decided to tell my parents about him. And you can imagine ... they weren't happy. My father got so mad, he smacked a few plates and knocked over a cabinet ... and then, he locked me into my room. I was in house arrest as far as he was concerned. My mom was so disgusted with the fact I got my beautiful skin inked, she refused to even speak to me ... and of course, she detested my boyfriend as well. They were gonna make sure I'd never see him again and got the tattoo laser removed ... but in that whole panic and fury, they forgot to take my phone away. I messaged him as soon as they were asleep and ... he told me to run away with him."

"You didn't ..."

"I did. I'm sorry .... but I didn't know any better. I didn't want to know any better. I loved him, I wanted to be with him, and the whole world was cruel for not letting me have my happiness. That's what I thought that night when I threw my most important things into a bag and climbed out the window. He waited for me outside ... we spent a few days at his place and then left everything behind. For a month or so, we were hopping all around the country. Crashing over at his friends' places until one of his buddies found a Tattoo place in the outskirts of Tokyo that needed new artists .... by then, he already showed me the basics of working with a needle and I was a fast learner, so he got me a fake ID that said I was 3 years older than I actually was and we both managed to get a job at that place. It wasn't much, but we made enough to get a decent apartment and ... everything was perfect. At least I thought it was." I paused, my voice beginning to shake.

Slowly, he took my hands in his, reassuring me that everything was fine: "It's okay ... take your time."

On the verge of tears, I continued: "This one day, I had a really long session scheduled in the afternoon ... but on the same day, the customer called in and canceled last minute. I was a little sad about it, but I was also happy because I'd get to come home early and surprise him ... I thought maybe we could even go see a movie together, or go out to eat at some fancy place. But then I got home and ... and .... and ... he was there ... in bed with one of his clients."

I heard him gasp as he let go of my hands for a moment, only to hold them even tighter a moment later. "That's ... I'm so sorry. Oh my god ... I can't believe this."

"I couldn't believe it either ... and the funny thing is, they were so busy with each other, they didn't even notice me standing at the door. My mind went blank for a moment ... but then I closed the door, grabbed as much of my stuff from around the house as I could, took all the money from the safe in the living room and got out of there. I had nowhere to go ... I just ran aimlessly through the streets for the whole night. That's why I hate .... why I'm afraid of walking outside alone. It gives me flashbacks. It was so horrible ... all of a sudden, I had nothing left ... I was looking through job ads on my phone and well ... there wasn't anything a high school drop out like me could even do. I knew how to make tattoos and that was just about it ... but I still had my fake ID, which kinda saved my ass back then ... because I was 16 and alone in the whole wide world. I thought about going back home, but .... I couldn't show my face in front of my parents. I've betrayed everything they've ever given me, for hell's sake! I couldn't go back ... so when I saw someone looking for a tattoo artist in Osaka, I hitched a ride there, got the job, found a place to stay at ... but my mind wasn't at peace anymore. A few months later, I repeated the whole cycle. Moved to a new city, got a new job, stayed for a while ... I was searching for the one place where my heart would stop hurting ... but I never found it. And then there were the guys ... so many of them approached me all the time, no matter where I went. But I thought I was now smarter than them. I said yes to everyone ... for a while. Everyone got their chance to make my boring reality a little interesting ... to make me forget what I was running from just a little. Cold Cave has one really interesting lyric, it's something like this: people without substance will fill themselves with substances ... and that was the truth for me. I was empty. Robbed of everything by that one guy who I thought loved me just as much as I loved him ... but he didn't. So I just filled that void with anyone who came by and said I was beautiful ... even if they just wanted to use me ... even if I knew that. It was okay ... because none of them mattered ... but then ... I did the one thing I swore I'd never do. I fell in love again ..."

He held my hands even tighter, holding back his breath: "Did ... did he abandon you as well?"

A small smile on my face, I shook my head, tears falling down from my cheeks: "No ... he's holding my hands right now ... but I have no idea if he feels the same way ... and I don't deserve him either way."

Not even a moment later, he yanked me to his chest, his arms wrapped tight around me as he pressed his lips against mine. We've kissed a million times already, but this ... this was unlike any other kiss we've ever shared. I held onto him, completely breathless, desperate for his warmth.

_Tadashi ... Tadashi ... Tadashi!_

He deepened our already feverish kiss and it made me wonder if maybe, he could hear the thoughts in my mind ... but then, I realized I've been saying it out loud all along, calling his name every time he pulled away to take a breath:

"Tadashi ... Tadashi ... Tadashi!"

He kissed me again, washing over me like an ocean as he slowly pushed me down on the sofa, the weight of his body pressing against mine. I was so hooked on that kiss, I almost cried when his lips left mine as he buried his face in my hair, gently kissing my ear before finally saying something, his whisper so soft, it felt like it melted my heart the second I heard it:

"You've never even said my name before ... how much more do you intend to shock me?"

"Tadashi, I-"

He cut me off, pressing his thumb against my lips. "Please ... don't say any more ... I can't take it. I already feel like I've gone crazy over you ... and it's as if my heart is going to explode. Can I say it? Can I really tell you how I feel?"

"You have to! I can't go on without knowing if ... if ... if ..."

I lost my train of thought and all my common sense the moment I felt his fevered lips press against my neck, his tongue mercilessly playing with my skin before his teeth grazed it slightly, leaving a tingling sense of pain that filled me with longing as soon as it faded away. His breath tickled my ear as we both gasped for air, words spinning in my head:

_Why did he stop? Why isn't he kissing me? What is he thinking about? Why isn't he saying anything? Why aren't his lips on mine? Why-_

"I love you."

A faint whisper pulled me out of my thoughts. He said it so sheepishly, almost as if he feared something bad would happen as soon as he uttered those words ... but he said it still.

"Tadashi ..."

He perched himself up on his elbow, looking at me with wide eyes: "I'm not done yet. I love you. I love you. Please don't stop me from saying it a billion times, I ... I need to say it! For all the times I bit my tongue and held back and ... and ... it doesn't matter anymore. I love you. I absolutely, definitely love you. I knew I loved you from the first moment I saw you. I just ... knew it. My heart's been beating for you all this time ... only for you. I'm so caught up in you, I can't see anything else. Nothing else matters if I'm with you. You're the first one I've ever loved ... and you're the only one I'll ever love. I can't imagine my future without you. I can't imagine anything without you. I love you ... oh, I love you like crazy! I could kiss you forever and I still wouldn't be able to show you how much I adore you ... how wonderful I think you are ... how helpless I am without you ... because I love you. I love you, I love you, I ... can't even think straight anymore, I just ... I love you. You have no idea how much I love you."

Feeling as if I was about to explode from happiness, I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. "Don't let me be without you ever again ... Tadashi ... please ... be mine."

He stole my lips again, breaking the kiss halfway. Catching shallow breaths, I shivered at the warmth of his lips traveling down my jawline, too confused to even keep up anymore.

_I feel like the world is collapsing as soon as your lips leave mine, but at the same time ... your teeth toying around with my skin also feel so good, I can't keep up with it at all ..._

I felt his lips turn to a smile as he pulled away, his breath tickling my ear: "What are you talking about? I'm already yours. All of my hopeful thoughts, all of my wildest dreams, all of my sleepless nights, all of my unspoken feelings ... all of me. I'm all yours. The day you painted a crow onto my skin was the day you also tattooed your name onto my heart - it's been yours all this time ... hoping that one day ... even if years from now ... you'd be mine."

I hugged him even tighter, our lips meeting in another wonderful kiss. Barely pulling away, my lips still brushing against his as I spoke, I answered his desperate plea the best I could:

"Tadashi ... you're a miracle. For as long as I remember, I've been running away from things, but you ... you ... you're the first thing I ever ran to! I ran away from everyone else and yet ... you're the one sanctuary where I feel like home. I'll be yours ... if I'm not yours, everything is pointless ... because I know now that you're the only one who can fill the aching void in my heart so that I can finally ... finally stop running. But I don't know what happens after that ... I might literally collapse."

"I'll catch you." He whispered, his lips brushing against my neck before he left another mark, each new love bite sweeter than the others. "Also ... I'm really sorry if you're gonna have some decorations around here for a while ... I just ... can't not kiss you ... and then once I do, it's impossible to hold back."

"I couldn't care less ... I only wish you could kiss me in a thousand places at once."

He smiled, pressing a light kiss against my lips: "How about I make up for that by kissing you ten thousand times?"

I stared at his eyes, unable to believe that something I've feared so long could turn out so perfect. "That ... that works too. Please, do that ... please."

After that, we got completely lost in each other's kisses ... and his favorite soggy french fries that I planned to offer him for dinner were left on the counter, waiting for the morning when maybe, we'd already get enough of each other.

_Maybe._


	12. Chapter 12

A loud thud woke me up in the morning. I jumped up, looking around only to see Tadashi sprawled on the floor next to the sofa, his face pressed into the carpet:

"Ouch. That hurt." He mumbled, shaking his head and slowly picking himself up, rubbing his eyes to wake up properly. We looked at each other for a moment before bursting out in laughter as he grabbed my arm and pulled me to the floor next to him. I tumbled into his arms, his lips meeting mine in a soft kiss. Once we pulled away, he stared at me for a while, smiling as his fingers traced all the red marks on my neck: "Wow ... uhm ... it seems I really went overboard last night. I'm not even sure I should let you see yourself!"

I chuckled, tucking his already somewhat long hair behind his ears to reveal a line of love bites going down his left side: "I pretty much did the same to you."

"Yeah ... but I loved every second of it."

"So did I."

We laughed again, throwing our arms around each other. I buried my face in his chest, still unable to believe that I found love once again, in the very place I least expected it to show up.

"Tadashi ... there's one more thing."

"Yeah?"

"Remember months ago, when you asked if you could ever make me happy?"

"I remember."

"I want to say I was wrong when I said you couldn't. Because I've been nothing but happy every second I've been with you."

I felt his lips press against my forehead, obviously smiling as he kissed me: "Wait for me, okay?"

Confused, I looked up at him: "Huh?"

He smiled back, stroking my cheek with his hand: "Wait for me ... it's just a little over two years until I graduate ... and then, I promise I'll take you far away, to some place as grand and as amazing as you are."

I stood up from the floor, pulling him up with me. "I'll wait ... because I don't want to leave anymore either way. And I still have some things I need to do while I'm here."

"Like what?"

I sighed, shaking my head. "After breakfast. Actually first, I should probably find you a change of clothes so you can take a shower."

"Nah, I'm fine." He mumbled, walking over to pick up his bag. "I still have extra clothes in here."

"Oh okay, I guess ... it's just that I have this super pretty Foo Fighters shirt that's too big for me but would look really good on you."

He smirked as I showed him to the bathroom door. "I can totally take you up on that offer."

"Okay!" I said, grabbing the white school T-shirt from his hands and running back to my kitchen with it. I smiled to myself as I threw it on the sofa and turned on the stove, boiling water to make tea. I watched the vapor rise from the pot, smiling even more when I thought back to all the wonderful kisses we've shared last night. Just when I moved the pot to the side before the water would boil over, I heard him trying to sneak up on me - but before I could turn around, he already wrapped his arms around my waist, kissing my neck from behind.

"H-Hey! That tickles!" I yelped as the wet tips of his hair brushed up against my ear.

"Sorry. Someone stole my shirt so I had to hug you right away or I'd be cold."

I wiggled out of his grip, turning around without much though ... but the sight of him standing there wearing nothing but black sweatpants and his to-die-for smile caught me completely off guard and I found myself blushing as I stared at him for maybe a second too long.

He tilted his head, reaching for my hand. "Is something wrong?"

"No, just ... the only other time I've seen your shirtless was months ago and I kinda didn't pay attention back then, but I freaking wish I would. Because holy shit, you're hot. I mean, I knew that already, but ... wow."

Blushing a little, he wrapped his arms around me again: "My exact thoughts every time I see you." We stood there, hugging for a while until he pulled away, shivering a little: "Though I really am getting kinda cold ..."

"Give me a second." I went to the find the shirt I planned to give him, the stuff in my bedroom closet almost tumbling out on the floor as I searched for it. While I was at it, I grabbed a blanket off my bed too, handing him both once I got back: "There you go."

"What's the blanket for?" He asked, putting on the shirt which, in my humble opinion, looked amazing on him.

"Because I don't have any hoodie that would fit you ... and also you'll look adorable this way." I chuckled, taking the blanket and throwing it around his shoulders. "You can find a bunch of tea flavors in the cabinet, make whatever you want to. I won't take long." I left him alone in the kitchen again, grabbing a change of clothes and taking a quick shower despite wanting to lose myself in my thoughts like I always did ... but then again, why should I dream about his kisses when I could actually feel them?

Upon my return, I saw that he already found the french fries on the counter and was making his way through the bowl at incredible speed.

"Looks like someone's hungry."

"Mhm. And these are delicious!"

"I made them with you in mind. But that's hardly a breakfast food! Don't you want to have cereal or something?"

"Nah, I'm good." He mumbled, sitting down at the table next to me and my bowl of cereal. His eyes darted to a post-it note I had stickied to the edge of the table and he stared at it for a while before asking: "Is that your parents' address?"

I nodded. "Yeah ... or at least, it used to be. I don't know if they still live there ... but that's where our house was."

"Are you trying to find them?"

"I ... I don't know. I miss them a lot. I want to see them again. I want to say I'm sorry. That's why I came here in the first place ... I thought maybe it was time to come back home. But then as weeks turned into months, I just couldn't find the courage to go there and ... and find out that they aren't there anymore. Or that they are, but don't want to see me."

He patted my head, wiping away the tear that formed in the corner of my eye. "Don't get sad now. I know you miss them ... but nothing's gonna change unless you go see them."

"Tadashi ... I'm so scared of that."

"It's okay. You're not alone anymore. We'll go together, okay? Actually, let's go there today!"

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah! We can take the bus and we'll be there in no time."

"I'm not sure I'm ready ..."

"It's not about being ready or not. You deserve closure ... either they take you back or they don't ... but if they don't, well ... that's their loss. And I'll try to love you even more to make up for it."

I sighed, my head spinning as I put our bowls in the sink.

_Well, this escalated quickly. But just knowing he'll be there by my side gives me this weird sense of security that I've never known before ..._

I looked at him, reaching for my jacket on one of the chairs: "You know what? Let's do it."

~~~

We walked through the streets of Sendai, holding hands in silence until we got closer to my old neighborhood. Recognizing a park we walked by, I squeezed his hand tighter, letting out a small gasp.

"Is this it? Are we on the right street?"

I nodded. "Yeah ... it's two streets down from here."

"You're nervous, right? I can feel your hand shaking."

"Sorry ... I just don't know how I'm even gonna explain everything."

"We're gonna have a lot of explaining to do in general ... your parents, my parents, your coworkers, my teammates ... we've basically been lying to everyone all this time ... including each other."

"I'm glad at least that part's over now." I said, smiling as I looked up at him. "It's gonna be okay, right?"

"Right."

"Though your parents and the guys from the team might hate me for how coldly I've been treating you ..."

"We don't have to tell them that."

"Huh?"

He grinned, looking ahead on the street we were walking on. "We don't have to tell them everything ... we can just say that I liked you and asked you out, but you had some trust issues and wanted to take it slow, so we've just been gradually getting to know each other in the past months and didn't tell anyone because, well ... there wasn't really anything there to begin with ... or something like that."

"You've really thought of everything, didn't you?"

"I did. Just in case you ever started liking me."

Instead of replying and saying that I love him, I stopped, staring at the house at the end of the street with an uneasy feeling in my heart.

"Is that it?"

"Yes ... but they re-painted it. It didn't use to be this shade of blue ... but it's pretty." As I was checking out the changed exterior, a girl walked past us, listening to music with her headphones on. I watched her walk up to my house as she took them off, searching for keys in her school bag.

_Oh ... it looks like it isn't my house anymore after all ..._

I felt a knot in my throat right when Tadashi tugged on my arm: "You don't know her?"

"No ... I've never seen her before."

"Well, let's go talk to her. Maybe she knows where the previous owners moved."

I nodded, heading down the street next to him, stopping a short while away from the entrance.

"H-hey ..."

The girl had just unlocked the door when she looked up at me, staring without saying a word.

"I was just wondering if maybe, you know where-"

"Oh my god, it's you!"

I stared at her in confusion as the keys in her hand fell to the ground. She turned around and ran inside without an explanation, screaming at the top of her lungs: "Mom, dad, she's back! She's back!

_What's going on ... why did she look at me like that ... I don't ... I don't understand._

A second later, the girl opened the door again and standing behind her were ... my mother and father.

I couldn't comprehend anything that was going on ... but before I knew it, they ran towards me, both hugging me at the same time:

"It's you ... it really is you!"

"You're alive ... oh heavens ... you're alive!"

Forgetting to breathe for a few moments, I finally gasped for air, tears flowing down my cheeks. "Dad ... mom .... I'm back!" I called out, hugging them back.

Eventually, dad took a step back, looking at me with tears in his eyes: "I'm so sorry ... we didn't handle that situation the way we should. We drove you to run away instead of trying to make you understand us and .... I haven't been able to forgive myself ever since the day I woke up and you were gone."

"Oh darling, we thought you were dead! We've spent over a year looking for you ... but there was nothing. We thought we lost you ... I can't believe you're back!" Mom mumbled, her hands shaking as she looked over at Tadashi. "I take it that's Mitsu? I'm so glad you two are-"

I cut her off, shaking my head as I looked to the ground. "No ... the truth is ... you guys were right about a guy like him. It's a really long story, but ... he cheated on me not long after we ran away. I ... I was in a really bad place for a long time until a few months ago ... when I fell in love with Tadashi." I looked up at him, taking hold of his hand again before facing my parents with my head held high: "He's the one who gave me the strength to come see you today ... I've wanted to come back for so long ... but I was afraid you'd reject me again, so ... I couldn't get myself to see you two ... until he came along and promised to love me even if you two wouldn't."

Surprised, I watched as he bowed before them: "It's a pleasure to meet you. Your daughter is an amazing person ... and she knows exactly what she did wrong, so please ... accept her back."

My dad stepped over to him, patting him on the shoulder: "There was never any doubt about that. She's always welcome here - both of you are. Let's go inside and talk this over lunch, shall we? I think there's a lot we have to say to each other."

Mom nodded, her face suddenly growing pale: "Darling, I hope you won't be mad ... your old room is gone. Once we thought we'd never get you back, the house was so empty ... it felt too lonely to bear, so we ... we adopted a new daughter."

The girl, who was standing behind them this whole time, waved at me: "Hi, I'm Rika ... a first year at the high school you used to go to! I'm so excited to see you, I've heard so many things about you and ... it feels great to have a sister! Can I hug you?"

A little overwhelmed, I nodded, letting myself be almost tackled over and dragged into the house by my newly acquired sibling. As we all headed to the kitchen, I looked around at the pictures on the walls and was glad to see that absolutely nothing has changed: my childhood drawings, our family photos, the silly landscapes mom loved so much - they were all still there.

"It's almost like I was never gone." I whispered to myself, still loud enough for Tadashi to hear me as we sat down at the kitchen table together.

"Does it feel like home?"

"Yes ... it does."

We both laughed at the simplicity with which the whole thing happened. It was really just the tip of the ice berg and it took a long, long conversation that dragged on almost until evening before I finally set things straight for everyone. It was hard ... it was embarrassing to admit once again just how much I've screwed up ... but in the end, it didn't matter. I got my family back and not only that - I got a sister too. In a way, it felt like a part of me was replaced ... but I was also happy knowing that at least someone had the chance to benefit from the loving home I turned my back on. 

Tadashi was there for me the whole time. And the next day, I was there for him as he introduced me to both his team and his parents: I felt bad being presented in such a good light, but I swallowed my guilt, knowing this was for the best ... and after all, his account of the events wasn't too far off from the truth, just phrased a lot more nicely. I don't know if I preferred the utter shock his teammates were in or the amazingly warm welcome his parents have given me ... but either way, I knew I made the right decision by being with him - for one simple reason:

I found more solace in the shortest moment spent in his arms than I did in three years wandering across Japan.


	13. The Epilogue

I sleepily opened my eyes as I heard him trying to quietly slip out of the bed.

"Morning." I mumbled, reaching out for his hand.

"... I was explicitly trying not to wake you up, silly. Go back to sleep." He whispered, pressing a light kiss against my forehead.

"I will ... I hope you have fun at the graduation ceremony!"

"Hey, if I get really lucky, Tsukki will cry a little." He said, chuckling before he closed the door behind him.

I heard the sound of his keys in the front door before the apartment went quiet again and I drifted back to sleep.

By the time I woke up again, it was already well past 11. I looked at the annoying bird chirping outside my window before slowly standing up and heading into the kitchen. Brewing my morning tea, my gaze wandered around the room, stripping down the already barren walls, making sure we didn't forget anything. Most of the stuff, both his and mine, was already packed in boxes and ready to ship out: it seemed like a long time, but two years have gone by in a flash.

Not long after Tadashi and I made our relationship official, Yoshino found herself a boyfriend too - an American boyfriend, to be exact. We all cried like crazy when she decided to move to New York with him because after all, no one ever expected her to go anywhere ... that was what I was planning on doing.

It felt a little lonely after she left, but it didn't take long for her to send me a lengthy email, writing all about the plans she had to open her own tattoo shop ... and of course she made it clear that if I ever happened to end up there, she'd have a place for me on her team.

I didn't think much of it - after all, I knew Tadashi was really bad at English. I mentioned it to him more as a fun fact than an actual possibility, but he asked me right away if I wanted to go there ... and being true to my feelings, I said yes. I imagine it couldn't have been easy for him ... but he didn't even bat an eyelash before saying we'll go together if that's what I want.

He threw himself into studying English like a madman - by the time his third year summer break rolled around, he was already completely fluent in the language and continuously had the top scores in his class. I almost couldn't believe it, but at the same time ... it was just another one of the many, many ways in which he showed his love for me.

So that was it: his graduation day came and we were moving to New York next week. We found an apartment to share and I'd be looking forward to finally living together with him if it weren't for the fact that he already kinda stayed over at my place half the time ... and I loved that almost as much as knowing that in a few days, I'd get to wake up next to him all the time.

As I got lost in my train of thought, I heard keys turning in the door a second before he walked in, followed by Tsukki who has gotten so tall by now, he had to lower his head a little so he didn't bump into the door frame.

"Hey! I didn't know you'd bring company over ... I don't even have lunch ready to serve you guys." I mumbled, fiddling around awkwardly with the cup of tea I was holding. It was a known fact that Tsukki didn't like me and after all the effort he put into avoiding me as much as he could, I didn't think he'd ever come by.

"He didn't bring me. I wanted to come by myself."

"R-Really? But Tsukki ... you don't like me."

"That's not true. At least not anymore." He uttered, fixing his glasses. "The thing is ... with you guys leaving so soon, I ... I thought I should apologize to you for treating you so bad all the time."

I shook my head. "It's okay ... you had all the reasons to."

"It doesn't matter. You've made Yamaguchi insanely happy ... but I didn't trust you. I thought you were a bad person from the moment he told me how you two started going out ... but then, everything changed and you turned out to be pretty okay, I guess ... and I didn't know how to admit I was wrong about you. It was easier to keep looking the other way and wait for you to make a mistake ... which is what I've been doing all this time. I might have supported you guys because he's my best friend but I ... I didn't believe in you two. And I didn't have the guts to say I was wrong when I realized that I was."

I smiled, looking at Tadashi who was utterly shocked by Tsukki's sudden display of emotion: "I understand. Apology accepted."

"What? That easy?"

"Yes ... because I know how hard it is to admit you've been wrong about someone from the start."

"T-Thank you. I guess I'll get going now."

"Wait, you're not gonna stay for lunch?" Tadashi asked him as Tsukki already turned around towards the door.

"No need. I'll see you at the goodbye party at your house, right? Until then, I'll just leave you guys to each other - I don't like being a third wheel." He said, closing the door behind him - what would have usually sounded like a snobby remark coming from him was this time said with a smile.

"I guess even he can get emotional sometimes ..." he said, still staring at the door.

"Yeah, it surprised me too. So, what do you want for lunch?"

"Hmmm ..." he mumbled, walking over to the cabinets and pulling me into his arms. "I'll just take this."

We kissed, both smiling like crazy with our amazing future in mind.

"Tadashi ... I really meant it, you know?"

"So did I."

I laughed, flicking his nose with my finger. "Your stubborn at the silliest times. I actually want to know what I should make for lunch!"

He sighed, leaving to throw himself onto the sofa. "Can we have rice and chicken?"

"Definitely. Anything else?"

"Yes."

"What?"

He chuckled, gazing up at me with a mischievous look in his eyes:

**"Once we get to New York, I won't let go of you that easily."**


End file.
